The Frederick Armory

The Frederick ARMORY

Armory Dolby

As a crass and slovenly youth, I religiously collected The Punisher Armory and The Iron Manual whenever they came out. Part of my previously-asserted obsession with ITEM accumulation. It is deeply satisfying to me to offer Frederick's ridiculous version of that now. The ANSWERS!

(1) The Chapeau De Temps: The Chapeau was bestowed upon Voltaire by the Powers of Time in order that he might confer it upon a hero worthy of its power. Then, in episode 6, Frederick thought it was pretty and stole it. It allows the Zeitsgeschlaeger wearing it to move to any declared point in time or space, though it can realize its full potential only when Frederick (or a Frederick ally) also posseses the Chronicle of Time.

(2) EARSCARVES!! As we found out in Episode 181, the Earscarf is THE mark of distinction in the 28th century. The fine material and delicate hue of Frederick's scarves denote him as the alien-killing hero he is.

(3) The Gilded Fopstick of Brummell: Given to Frederick by a young Benjamin Disraeli in Episode 92, the Fopstick has the singular power of being able to accessorize with... ANYTHING! This awesome power has yet to be employed by Frederick.

(4) The Order of the Black Eagle: In Life, Frederick was Master of the Order and, in general, loved such decorations as being far cheaper and more sought-after than grants of land for exemplary service. In the midst of the 2008 Holiday Special, it went missing and in doing so caused the French Revolution to happen a few decades ahead of schedule.

(5) The C-Square Box: Awarded to Frederick after his completion of the Dali quest in Episode 32, Newton initially thought the C-Squared refered to his second great nemesis, the space-twister Albert Einstein. As it turned out, it merely summoned Calvin Coolidge when opened in Episode 175. A MURDEROUS Calvin Coolidge.

(6) The Space Bernard: After Doctor Val Grinder tried to do in Abraham Lincoln by shoving him down a rubbish chute, this trusty companion saved him from the Rat King and brought him back to the team in Episode 204. Frederick has yet to get him murdered on a raft.

(7) Mr. Skull: The Human Skull that was needed Episode 136 to locate George III's ultimate weapon, a ray that turns Americans into the antithesis of all the primary British Virtues. This ray is responsible for Abraham Lincoln's occasional transformation into the FABULOUS Flaveraham.

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